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Jean Marie Byrne, Studies in Religion
University of Queensland
'Who am I? Buddhism, Gender and the Search for Self.'
When I identify as a woman, what exactly am I identifying with? My physicality? My gender conditioning? The fleeting thought that one day I may be a mother? The discrimination on the basis of gender that I have experienced in my life? None of these answers seem to suffice. When I search for the essence of what it means for me to be a woman, I draw a blank. But I know that it is a pressing question which to find an answer to, since external to me there is an idea of woman, whose subjectivity is denied, or conceived of as 'Other' to male subjectivity, and this conception of 'woman' affects many spheres of my life. But still, as I look for the essence of what it means to be a woman I realize that the question I am asking begs another, who am I? Again I am confronted with the same predicament, unable to point to anything permanent and fixed as my 'self'.
Buddhism teaches that self, and gender are empty of any inherent existence or essence. There is no 'I' to inquire 'Who am I', and to attempt to conceive of an idea of gender which is static, unrelational and fixed is to try to search for that which does not exist. Instead Buddhism offers notions of self and gender which are wholly relational. Through emphasizing relationality and the emptiness of all things and categories, Buddhist teachings offer possibilities to women theorizing around the idea of self who wish to find an answer to the question, what is a woman? An answer which is born from self-inquiry and exploration, simultaneously transcendent yet rooted in the immanence of personal experience.
This paper will argue that Buddhist theory can provide a new perspective from which we can understand the problem of how to define 'woman'. Relating Buddhist ideas of emptiness and not-self to a definition of woman allows for the conceptualizing of an idea of 'woman' which is simultaneously absolute and relative, without being oppositional. Buddhist theory shifts the emphasis on gender from being a static category to an idea of gender that relies neither upon essentialist nor constructed conceptions. Such a conception allows for social action based on an idea of 'woman' without binding all women to a homogenising and fixed category - 'woman'.
Bio: It wasn't until she left Australia that Jean became interested in Buddhism. After a week in Penang, Malaysia she naively decided that she was ready to attend her first Buddhist meditation retreat. On arrival at the Malaysian Buddhist Meditation Centre (MBMC) she was given a mat to sleep on and a forty-five minute tape to listen to, which outlined basic meditation instructions. For the next eight days she was to be completely silent, wake up at 4am and meditate until 10pm with two short breaks for breakfast and lunch. To console herself she spent the first few days having imaginary conversations with friends and trying to compile an extensive Beatles song list in her head. After a few days on the retreat she began to experience a sense of stillness, and the chatter of her mind began to subside.
Her experiences on this retreat led her to further retreats and meditation groups. However on all retreats and in all the groups she was faced with mainly male images and male teachers. Her interest was such that she decided to focus her academic study on Buddhism, and explore the interface of feminist theory and Buddhism. Currently she is a PhD student in Studies in Religion at the University of Queensland.
<jean.byrne@mailbox.uq.edu.au>